Ice is Slippery and Ruminations on Bald Characters January 27, 2009

Today around 9 am I had a little encounter with ice while driving Billy-Ray.  I was going about 20 MPH on a stretch of road that is very curvy and down-hill when I began to do a 360.  After three spins I hopped up on the curb, killed a good bit of grass and ended up back on the road facing oncoming traffic in my original lane.  I began to slide down hill before applying my brakes.  After calling a few people and being unable to reach anyone I finally catch my mom who tells me I’m going to have to call 911 because I’m unable  to turn my car around on my own with traffic as heavy as it is.  Once I am sent to the Franklin Police Department and I finally remember exactly where I am it only takes three minutes for two very nice officers to come to my rescue.  There was a man, about sixty, who stayed with me and refused to leave, or take my umbrella.  He was such a blessing as I was a nervous wreck and can’t imagine facing the situation on my own.  Once I got turned around I made my way to where I was going with one of the nice officers following me to make sure I was okay.  Franklin has some of the world’s nicest police officers!

I have often wondered since losing my hair why bad guys seem to be bald – Lex Luther, Lord Voldemort, Doctor Evil, Renard, Darth Vadar, Uthar Wynn, Jabba, Imhotep, Borg (especially when fully assimilated), and the list continues.  Why are the villains so often bald???  The only logic I have yet to come up with is slightly offensive, but seems to fit the bill.  Bald is seen as unnatural, and unnatural as we know is often seen as evil.  The latin word for left “sinestra” is where we get the word sinister.  Slightly suspicious, I think.  I for one, think that being bald should not be seen as “evil” and nefarious and think that all you baldies out there should wear it loud and proud and show the world that bald people can be good guys, too!

Reflections January 25, 2009

The following is an e-mail I wrote to my mom (12/04/08) after a particularly trying day.  I was reading it and reflecting on how far I have come in my acceptance journey.

Momma, I know I talked to you about this earlier, but for me writing is an easier means of expressing how I feel.  I thought I would write (type?) you an e-mail because I am a much more articulate typer/writer than speaker.
Mulan is one of my favorite movies because I identify with Mulan.  I understand feeling as if I don’t belong…now more than any other time.  The song I think of when I think of the movie is Reflection.  I understand looking in the mirror and not recognizing who is staring back.  When Mulan speaks of not being able to “pass for the perfect bride, or a perfect daughter” I totally identify with that thought.  When I imagine my wedding, or anyone’s for that matter, I don’t visualize the bride being bald.  Quite the opposite, I see her with a beautiful updo.  When I think of the “perfect” daughter, whether she be a daughter on the earth or a daughter in Heaven I didn’t visualize her bald as a bean.  I think one of the biggest reasons this AA diagnosis is so hard is I am forced to reevaluate all my preconcieved notions of beauty and perfection – I as an alopecian am not only beautiful, I am perfect because Heavenly Father made me like this.  He knew and knows what He is doing.  I have to trust in Him and place my hair, or lack thereof, in His hands.  This is really hard.
I am so glad that the ratio of good days to bad swings in the favor of good days, but these bad days sure are sneaky!  I have found myself avoiding mirrors which, by the way, is not as easy as it sounds.  I find myself, like Mulan, saying, “Who is that girl I see Staring straight back at me?  Why is my reflection someone I don’t know?”  I know that through time and with lots of support and love that I will be able to say that the girl I see looking back at me in the mirror is a beautiful daughter of our Heavenly Father (with or without hair) and I will know her.  But for right now I have to take it day by day.
I love you and I could not ask for a more supportive and loving mom.  You have been there for me through everything.  You have not given up on me nor have you ever stopped loving me.  I am so glad that I have you for time and all eternity.
Love always, your bald and beautiful daughter, Valerie”

As I sit here today and type this I am so happy with how far I have come and who I am now.  The journey from the girl who avoided mirrors and who felt inadequate in so many ways to the lady that sits here today who not only feels beautiful, but knows she is beautiful and loves who she has become has not been an easy one.  Despite the ups and downs I am indeed grateful for the journey.  One of the quotes which has helped me come to be the lady I am today and continues to help me change and live life the way I want to live it is by the American novelist and poet Don Williams Junior -      “The road of life twists and turns and no two directions are ever the same.  Yet our lessons come from the journey, not the destination.”  My life-altering events are never going to be exactly like my mom’s or my sister’s or my best-friend’s, but they are what make me who I am.  For that I am indeed grateful!

Here’s to embracing all of life’s twists and turns and for, if not enjoying them, being grateful for them.  For without them, life wouldn’t be the same.

Keep laughing!

Bald IS Beautiful January 25, 2009

I was reading a blog post written by one of my friends on Alopecia World about how much she is enjoying her new bald glory.  This caused me to reflect on how much I love my head.  Nants wrote of how wonderful it felt to shave off her remaining hairs and not worry about counting the number of hairs remaining or fretting about how many more had fallen out during the course of the day (http://www.alopeciaworld.com/profiles/blogs/free-at-last and http://www.alopeciaworld.com/profiles/blogs/i-love-being-bald).  I vividly remember the evening Momma shaved my head for me – how wonderful it felt to literally laugh in AA’s face and tell it to “suck it!”  How alive and powerful I felt to be regaining some control.  I refused to let AA dictate how many hairs were going to fall out and I would have to see on my pillow, my shower floor, my hair brush, the inside of a hat, or in my hands.  I took back my control over my body.  I no longer gave the power to AA, and that is one of the best feelings in the world!

I have come to discover that bald is beautiful in an unearthly way.  It reminds me of small babies and how innocent and beautiful they are.  I am reminded that the human body is beautiful in the simplest ways.  How a bald head is beautiful in it’s uniqueness. 

The next time you notice a man, a woman, or a child without any hair on his/her noggin appreciate the beauty.  Don’t concentrate on whether or not he/she  hase cancer or alopecia or any other number of conditions which can cause hairloss.  Instead take the moment to appreciate his/her courage and beauty;  appreciate the little reminder that has been placed in front of you that beauty comes in all packages and can be seen anywhere you choose to find it.  Beauty is not necessarily what is prescribed in People magazine or on America’s Next Top Model, but something that can be seen everyday in the most ordinary of places.

Evernote, Charlie the Unicorn, Brisingr, & Laundry January 22, 2009

http://www.evernote.com is one of the greatest websites created ever!  Evernote allows certain packrats, like me, to create a virtual stash.  You can type in lists, scan in scraps, and copy entire webpages.  Currently I have cleaned out my purse, my car, my closet, and my drawers…WOOT WOOT!

No matter how many times one watches Charlie the Unicorn (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q5im0Ssyyus) or Potter Puppet Pals (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tx1XIm6q4r4) for that matter it will still make you laugh!  If you’re having a bad day or just need a laugh I encourage you to check them out…I find it particularly amusing that Harry Potter looks as though he is seizing and Dumbledore suddenly loses his clothes.

Although I am one of the biggest Christopher Paolini fans I am a little miffed.  When I first fell in love with Eragon I was under the impression that it was supposed to be a trilogy.  Then came Eldest and I still thought I was in for a trilogy.  After purchasing Brisingr and reading it like a mad lady to find out what happens…I have to wait for a fourth book????  What the heck!  Was I just under the wrong impression or has anyone else been tricked?

I have discovered that laundry is the never-ending chore that is the bane of my existence…I am seriously contemplating about joing a nude colony!

Update January 21, 2009

It’s been crazy in my neck of the woods lately.  I’ve been fighting a few bugs and Nan-naw ended up in the hospital with what was initially thought to be pnuemonia and then suspected to be Congestive Heart Failure (CHF) and in the end was bronchitis with excess fluid.  Yesterday she had a follow-up with her cardiologist and he siad that she still has bronchitis and then we were rushed up to see her pulmonologist.  This doctor then prescribed an antibiotic (azithromycin) that reacts adversely to one of her heart medications (amiodarone).  What the heck?  Did he not pay attention to what she takes??

I am currently working on creating an Alopecia Areata support group.  At the moment I have a name (Planet Alopecia) and a location (third floor multi-purpose room at the Retirement Community where I work), but that’s it.  I am working on being charterd by the NAAF (<A HREF=”http://www.naaf.org”>National Alopecia Areata Foundation</A>) and at this moment I am waiting for my paperwork to come in the mail.

School started – I actually like all my teachers.  None of them are crazy (or nosey).  Even the one class I was nervous about (music appreciation) was not nearly as awful as I expected.  Biololgy is one of my favorite subjects anyway, but when you throw in a hilarious teacher it becomes even more awesome!  My English Composition class is exciting as well.  I enjoy writing and my instructor told us that the class is really for writing – YAY!

Keep laughing!

An Old Friend and My Past January 12, 2009

Yesterday Momma talked to an old friend of mine at church.  Jessica was a girl I met a good four years ago and we both struggled and headed down paths I know I wish I hadn’t ventured down.  Thankfully we both managed to turn our lives around.  I never did any of the “horrible” things I saw other teenagers do, but I did things that certainly made me unhappy.  I think one of my biggest struggles was going through the motions without really caring what I was doing.

I heard/read/saw this quote somewhere recently, and since I don’t remember where I’ll credit Mr. Anonymous.
“One way to know you are doing the wrong thing is if it is easy, for the right thing to do is never easy”.

Just a short blip tonight, but a goodie I think.  I’m so glad the Jessica and I were both able to turn around and I’m so thankful she’s back in my life!

Temporary Tats & Weird Movie January 9, 2009

I got a wonderful present in the mail today – temporary eyebrow tattoos (Mari WINS!)  These are the greatest inventions.  I put them on before my aunt, uncle and I went out for Mexican (YUMMY) and then came home and showered and they’re still here…WOOT WOOT!

After I got squeaky clean my aunt and I watched Wall-E because it was one of their Christmas gifts and it seemed like a good movie.  All I can say is that I’m glad I didn’t pay to see it.  I can’t imagine paying seven dollars to watch a movie that tells me that I’m killing the Earth and that I’m fat, dumb, and unhappy.

Oh, I forgot to mention that every Friday at three in the afternoon is now officially Happy Hour at Legacy.  Today wine (alcoholic & non-alcoholic) was served to all the little old ladies & men that decided to come down.  Thankfully there was a one glass limit for those that chose to drink the alcoholic version.  Next Friday they are planning to add some other choices in.  We’ll see how well that goes!

Alopecia World and Becoming an Alien January 9, 2009

I want to start off by singing the praises of an amazing website – Alopecia World.  Here people of all ages, nationalities and circumstances have the opportunity to interact with others that are dealing with “any type of unwanted, chronic or medical hairloss” and where the motto is “Acceptance is all there is”.  In the world of alopecia areata there are so many unkowns – how long it will last, how much hair will be lost, how much will grow back – and due to the rarity it’s very difficult to find others dealing with the same condition.  This is where Alopecia World has come to the rescue for me, and for others.  I have been blessed to meet some amazing people – Angie W., DollyDreadful, Jeffrey…Don’t You Wish Your Boyfriend Was Bald Like Me, LeslieAnn Butler, Mari, Nants the Rebellion Dog, Rachel H., Roger, Rose Marie, and Sandy to name some.  In AW land I have the opportunity to share my feelings, struggles, triumphs, and fears with others that understand and who have gone through similar things.  I encourage everyone, whether you have any sort of hair loss or not to check it out!  It truly is a wonderful place!

Before coming home I went to Sally’s to see if I could find out if anyone there knew of a place nearby that sold temporary eyebrow tattoos (Mari was kind enough to send me some to use until I find somewhere nearby or have to order from the company – Thanks again!).  While leaving Sally’s I saw a little boy (no more than five) with his Mommy.  Being at an age where he doesn’t know that somethings aren’t “supposed” to be said out loud, the little guy pointed and said, “Mommy, look an alien!”  I stopped and the mother began to apologize and tried to explain that I wasn’t an alien, but someone who was very sick with cancer.  I took this opportunity which had been handed to me to teach a family about AA.  I told the little boy I was not an alien or a cancer survivor, but an Alopecian.  I have this funny illness called Alopecia Areata.  This makes my body attack my hair and it comes out.  The mother is now even more embarrassed and apologizes for saying I have cancer and tries to make the little boy apologize.  Instead he asks, “What planet are Alopecians from?”  I began to laugh and said from Alopecia. 

It turns out that I really am an alien and that there is yet a planet to be found….(cue The Twilight Zone theme song)

Bye Bye Eyelashes January 8, 2009

I was forwarded an e-mail by my mom from one of the classroom parents who is a scientist that gave me some links to others that have developed AA from Gardisil and that there are ways to prevent this from happening to other girls.

On a different note, I have been, slowly, losing my eyelashes, and today the remaining sixty or so percent on my right eye fell out.  That was difficult, but now I don’t have to worry about them continuing to get stuck in my eyeball.

All in all it has been a fairly uneventful day.  I just hung out with Nan-naw and read Brisingr (which is awesome)!

Keep smilin’!

Tears’ Guerilla Warfare, Oprah, and Hats January 8, 2009

My tears were up to their sneaky little tricks again.  I had taken Nan-naw to her chiropractor appointment and I decided to ask Dr. Jenn if she had any suggestions on “natural healing” books or supplements.  She said she didn’t and as I explained why I asked I began to cry.  I was floored – I never cry when I explain the A.  For the most part, I love being bald and when it makes me upset I find a way to laugh.  But sure enough I was standing there explaining the hair loss and I’m bawling my eyes out.  My tears must be related to some of those Americans that fought in the Revolutionary War.

Nan-naw really enjoys watching The Oprah Winfrey Show and today was no different.  This week is “Best Life” week and today was the Spirituality 101.  She had a Pastor, a Reverned, and a spiritual book author as her guests.  Oprah also had clips from previous shows that had guests that she felt had deepened her spirituality.  One of these guests was a young woman who was absolutely gorgeous until she was in a horrible accident that left her with horrific burns all over her body (60%).  She no longer even resembled the woman she once was, but after the initial shock you found yourself in awe of her beauty.  This woman was so beautiful on the inside that you found yourself forgetting that she was scarred.  I found this particularly poignant for me.  Upon losing my hair I have feltas though Alopecian was a term for some alien race.  I did not feel beautiful at first and could not bear for anyone to see that I did not have hair.  This trial has been a blessing, however, because now I see myself as beautiful and I have been forced to concentrate on my inner beauty.  I do not think I am as beautiful as that woman, but I am much more beautiful now.

The Reverend mentioned that trials are tools that meld us into what we are supposed to be.  They force our spirits to change for the better.  I have found, in my own life, that if I don’t learn that lesson, be it patience, inner strength, or anything else, then another trial comes and still another one until I have changed.  The author brought up a great point – when we fight what is because it isn’t what we want we waste energy and what is will never change.  I don’t know how many times I have found myself trying to change the way the world works, trying to pretend that life can go on without the death of someone or something else, but now I understand that me that wanting it to turn out that way does not make it wrong.

Every Wednesday evening I try to go to Institute (Bible Study).  Last night I drove out to church and discovered it was not going on – oops!  Instead of going straight home I decided to stop by the mall and hunt for a new hat since I got a gift card to one of the hat stores.  After looking and discovering it was almost entirely ball caps I found a fedora which I love!  I never realized how much a hat can affect your personality.  I totally felt like a spy when I wore it yesterday!  I don’t know when I’ll wear it again…